The Lion, the Witch, and the UnderAged Wizard
by grotesque rose
Summary: What happens when Harry Potter goes to Narnia? Why, everything of course!


~*Right, this is my first story on fanfiction EVER! Wahooo! What happens when Harry goes to Narnia?

Mass Chaos? Epic battles? Talking beavers? We shall see as Harry gets himself further into trouble.

 This chapter is a little, as my friend said, "disturbing." Sorry! It will get a lot funnier as I introduce more HP characters into the world of Narnia. I just had to get Harry to Narnia through a wardrobe, damnit! Please R&R.  *hides in the corner, crouched in the fetal position.* Please don't beat me!*~

DISCLAIMER I OWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS. OR MOST OF THESE IDEAS. 

Harry Potter looked around nervously, taking in the tacky interior of the bedroom. A large bed covered with a scarlet bed spread stood in the middle of the room. The walls were painted in zebra stripes, and a lime green couch was near the door. And shoved against the back wall was a black wardrobe with red hearts and lips all over it. "Just the place for my first time," Harry thought sarcastically. For he, the Great Harry Potter, the Wizarding Wonder, the Marvelous Magician, Mr. Twinkle-toes, the Boy Who Lived, yes Harry Potter himself, had never gotten any.

All the girls at school stared and giggled, but none would approach him. And as for Cho….well after she cut her hair off and got testosterone injections, she wasn't exactly his type.

Then there was Dumbledore. When he said he knew everything that went on at Hogwarts, he meant _everything. Even when he got a date and was just lifting up the robes, a teacher would conveniently come along….creepy really._

So that left Harry with one option. Wait the three weeks left before he graduated Hogwarts? Hell no! His only option was to hire, as Ron put it, a scarlet woman.

Getting to London was the easy part. He made a story up about his broomstick malfunctioning and needing to visit Quality Quidditch Supplies to fix it. All he really had to say was, "Professor, do you really want to lose to Snape?" and McGonagall had everything arranged for him. Everything except for the hooker that is.

That proved to be the hardest bit. Where does one under-age wizard find a lady of the night, or this case, middle of the afternoon? Harry found out you don't ask at the tourist center, while peeing in a public bathroom, or a random woman standing on a corner wearing a short skirt who happens to be hailing a cab.

Finally, after countless dirty looks and a slap on the face, Harry was pointed in the right direction. Now here he was, sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting. The lady at the desk, flashing her five charming teeth at him, told him Molly would be up in a sec. Then, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs accompanied by voices. 

"Yeah Molly, there's a real young one down in room 5. Dead scared," said the "receptionist."

"He won't be scared after I'm through with him, Flo."

Then both women laughed and continued talking. But Harry was no longer listening. For he had recognized that voice immediately. Jumping up, he looked wildly around the room and his gaze fell on the wardrobe. He ran to it, threw open the door, and jumped inside. Just as he closed the wardrobe (which is a very silly thing to do), the door of the room opened. And his worst suspicions were confirmed. He caught a glimpse of Molly Weasley.

"The poor dear must be hiding in the wardrobe," Mrs. Weasley said in her motherly tone. Laughing, she started towards it, trying to coax Harry out. Panicking, Harry tried to get to the very back of the wardrobe. He stretched his arms out, pushing through the lingerie and bondage outfits hanging in the closet. There seemed to be no end, but Harry didn't notice. Mrs. Weasley's voice got fainter and fainter, and the air was suddenly cold. The ground was covered in a fine powder. But Harry wasn't paying attention to any of this.

 "Bloody hell! No wonder Ron could afford new robes! His mum is a bleeding prostitute! Ron said his mum told him she won a contest out of Witch Weekly, and that's where she got all the money! Jesus Christ in a hand basket!.....Where the hell am I?" Harry stopped his exclaiming as he realized he was in the center of a snowy wood. And in a clearing up ahead, he saw a lamp post. And underneath the light of the lamp post, he saw a little girl and a strange, furry creature speaking. Harry, on a second's decision, ran up to the light post….

^Yes, that's it! Now that I think about it, it is kinda disturbing. Again, sorry and it will get funnier. Give it a chance. ^


End file.
